Hello, my name is Bob and I’m your local neighborhood burglar!
First I’m going to tell you what I look for before breaking into your home, and then I’m going to tell you how I can break into your home. I’ll even tell you what I’m doing and looking for inside your home.
A lot of people ask me why I do what I do, and why I haven’t been caught yet. Do you know what I tell them? Because people don’t realize how easy they make it for me. I shouldn’t be doing this but I need a challenge!
Here’s what I’m looking for to make your house my next target:
Before picking a house I have to scope the whole neighborhood. To do this I’m not going to be walking in the traditional cat burglar uniform. I’m going to be walking around with a rake, dressed up as the cable, electric, or phone repairman. In some cases I even post a flier on your door for a closer look. Usually my work hours are from 8AM-11AM. I want to avoid any kind of confrontation.
High privacy fences – This way your pesky neighbors can’t sneak up on me or call the police
Any sort of high vegetation, like trees or shrubbery, covering your windows – this way they can’t see me break your window. I prefer lots of cover.
Toys or playground equipment in your yard – Toys or playground equipment in your yard are signs that kids live there, which to me equals a mother lives there and “cha-ching” that means JEWELRY.
I’ll post a flyer on your door to get a closer look of your home. I’m also checking to see if you have a burglar alarm.
Here’s how I break into your home:
I’ll knock on your door to see if anyone is home. If someone answers the door I’ll just come up with some bogus story.
I’m going to check if the front or back door is unlocked. Sometimes people usually hide a key somewhere easy to access. If I can’t find a key I will check the windows. If worse comes to worse I’ll just smash a window.
I can also get into a home through your doors using my trusty crowbar.
If I can’t make it into your house in one minute I just move onto the next one.
Now here’s what I’m doing once I’m inside your home:
I always use the same search pattern. I go straight to the master bedroom. I look for cash, jewelry, or anything that might be valuable. People often make the mistake of leaving money or jewelry in the most common areas.
I’ll even look under the bed and in your closets.
I’m always listening for outside noises. It’s a 6th sense.
I check your bathroom medicine cabinets for any narcotic prescriptions. Pills are easy money.
I’m going to check your kitchen and living room for electronics, credit cards, car keys, and personal information.
After I have gathered everything I need, I call my backup driver to meet me so we can load up all the goods in the car or van.
Once I have loaded all the goods, my associate and I drive away to the next target. It’s a never ending cycle.
And that’s it folks. It usually takes me about 8-12 minutes to get in and out of your home. It’s as easy as that!
In closing, there are a lot of things that you can do to avoid someone like me. A security system is a no brain-er. If that’s not an option, leaving a TV or stereo on during the day usually helps someone like me avoid your home. This usually indicates someone is home. Also most burglars won’t even attempt entry if they know there’s a large dog in the home.
So now you know my methods and secrets. Hopefully this will help you avoid bad guys like me. If not, I’ll be lurking around. So, once again, I’m Bob, your local Burglar, and I’ll be coming to a city near you!